Final Fantasy 7 Drabbles
by Nocturniquette
Summary: Random drabbles for the AC movie. Most them will be humorous, some will be general, some will be slash, and some might even be het-oriented. So, please read and review! SPORADIC UPDATES!
1. Come to the Dark Side Cloud

**Disclaimer****: Anything that looks like it isn't mine, more than likely isn't.**

**WARNING****: This will most likely be a **_**SLASH**_** paradise...so if that squicks you, you have a Back button on your browser...put it to good use. MASSIVE OOC-ness! INSANITY! **

**Author's Note****: This is **_**IMPORTANT**_**! You **_**MUST**_** read this! This may not be updated regularly.**

**These are inspiration drabbles, meaning that when I get an inspiration to write a drabble for this fandom, this fic will be updated. My inspirations are sporadic at best. I can upload twice in one day or once a month. Depends, really, on what inspires me. So please no emails or PM's asking/telling me to update. I'll update whenever **_**I WANT **_**to, not when **_**YOU**_** want me too, okay? Thank you and enjoy the drabbles that have been posted.**

**" speech**

**' thoughts**

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_Cloud Strife stared at Sephiroth and vice versa._

_"What the hell are you doing alive!" Cloud yelled, and Sephiroth shrugged. "Good Behaviour?"_

_Cloud snorted. "You couldn't be good even you __**did**__ have a heart." "Why thank you Cloud, your opinion matters __**so**__ much to me." Cloud rolled his eyes._

_"Seriously though, Why are you here?"_

_"Destruction."_

_"How did you get here?"_

_Another shrug. "Get out of jail free card?"_

_"The Lifestream doesn't have prisons."_

_"That's what you think." _

_"What did they make you do oh mighty Sephy?"_

_Green eyes blinked._

_"Don't ever call me that again...and they made me attend therapy class."_

_Abruptly, Cloud starts laughing._

_"Shut up," Sephiroth growls._

_Cloud does, but to only ask a question._

_"What type of therapy?" he asks and dissolves into another laughing fit._

_"They...had me attend classes where I was instructed to be __**NICE**__ to people! Sunshine! Daisies! Kids! Furries! The whole goddamn taco!"_

_"It's enchilada."_

_"Taco."_

_"Enchilada."_

_"Taco!"_

_"Enchilada!"_

_"TACO!"_

_"ENCHILADA!"_

_"YOUR GAY!"_

_"ENCHIL-what!?" Cloud asked sputtering angrily._

_Sephiroth smirked his patented Evil Smile._

_"I said your gay."_

_"Considering this is coming from the man with longer hair than I do, it's a moot point."_

_Sephiroth's smirk disappeared._

_"Don't diss my hair, Shorty." Sephiroth growled menacingly._

_"Don't diss my height, Bastard." Cloud retorted._

_"Already using curse words Cloud? Can't think of a suitable insult?"_

_"...I hate you."_

_"Good, then come to the Dark Side with me."_

_"Do you have cookies?"_

_On the outside, Sephiroth looked calm. On the inside, however, he was panicking...slightly._

_"What type of cookies do you like?" He asked all the while thinking: 'Don't say oatmeal cranberry.'_

_"Oh! I like oatmeal cranberry."_

_Sephiroth didn't have any oatmeal cranberry cookies, because he couldn't make them. So he did the next best thing._

_He stabbed Cloud with Masamune._

_"__**OW**__! You fucking goddamn son-of-a-bitching fuckhead! What was that for!?"_

_The ex-General smirked._

_"You said oatmeal cranberry. I can't make those."_

_"So you stabbed me!?"_

_"It seemed like a perfectly logical action to me."_

_Cloud glared death at him._

_Sephiroth thought it was a pretty good glare, but wasn't quite up-to-par with his._

_Cloud pouted then asked: "Well, what kind of cookies can you make then?"_

_"I don't make them, I steal them from grocery stores."_

_Cloud crossed his arms over his chest, ignoring the gash in his arm and hmphed._

_"Fine then, I'm not going to the Dark Side until you offer me something good."_

_Sephiroth blinked. Twice. 'Damnit! I thought for sure my Cookie Plan would work on him!' 'What to do...what to do...hmmm...'_

_A slightly predatory smile worked it's way onto Sephiroth's mouth. _

_'I wonder if that will work.' he thought._

_He stalked up behind Cloud._

_He tapped him on his shoulder._

_Cloud turned around._

_"I TOLD you, I'm not going to the Dark Side until-mmph!"_

_Sephiroth cut him off by placing his lips over Cloud's._

_The younger man's odd blue tinted eyes widened._

_Sephiroth smirked into the kiss and then pulled away._

_"Want more?" Dazed, Cloud only nodded._

_"Then come to the Dark Side."_

_"I'm already committed."_


	2. Red Has Fleas!

**Disclaimer: The one from chapter one counts for all chapters. So then you would know that I don't own it. Yet. **

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_Cloud Strife itched __**everywhere.**_

_And I mean everywhere. His back, his sides, his thighs, his arms. Absoutely __**everywhere.**_

_Little red bumps were all over his pale body. At first he thought he had measles, but quickly disregarded that idea, because he didn't have a fever and felt perfectly fine._

_On second thought, Cloud thought they were pimples. But again disproved that idea. Pimples just didn't randomly appear overnight in hundreds. And besides that, didn't they appear in different sizes?_

_Cloud sighed and looked down. Which, coincendentially enough, a small black __**something**__ was on his arm. Upon further inspection, Cloud found out it was a flea._

_He grabbed the offending insect and squeezed it until crimson liquid burst out of it. Cloud's blood._

_"You little blood-sucking leech fuckers! DIE!" And then Cloud proceeded to stomp all over the floor._

_But stopped shortly when a thought struck him._

_"__**RED**__!!!!!!!" _

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_Downstairs in the bar of Seventh Heaven, Everyone from AVALANCHE looked up at the ceiling, as Cloud's angry shout drifted down towards them._

_RedXIII mumbled something the others didn't quite catch, and then calmly walked up the stairs, the others following, wondering what the hell this was all about._

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_When Red got to Cloud's room he nudged the door open a little wider with a furry red paw and slipped inside, the others right outside listening in._

_"Yes, Cloud?" Red asked politely. _

_"You little flea-bitten mongrel!" He snarled, and they heard gasps outside, but both ignored it._

_RedXIII looked surprised at Cloud's angry words._

_"What did I do?"_

_"Did you sleep in my bed?" Cloud asked somewhat calmly._

_Red nodded._

_"Then let me put this as nicely as possible...YOU HAVE FLEAS! SO TOP SLEEPING IN MY ROOM OR I'LL GIVE YOU A DAMN FLEA BATH!!!!!"_

_Cloud took a deep breath after that. _

_"You can go now." he said._

_RedXIII nodded somewhat dazedly, and swept past the others in the hallway._

_"Damn kid has a pair of lungs on him after all." Cid said lighting up a cigarette._


	3. Chocobos Are NOT Your Friend, Cloud

**Disclaimer: See chapter 1.**

**I do not own Coca-Cola.**

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_Sephiroth, otherwise known as The General, Zack Kelly, otherwise known as The General's Second-In-Command, and Cloud Strife, otherwise known as Zack's Little Friend found themselves fifty miles from Wutai with an army of...chocobos._

_Sephiroth had merely blinked upon seeing the different colored birds. Zack, who was drunk at the time, had saluted to them. And Cloud...well Cloud...he attempted communication._

_"WARK-WARK WARK!" said Cloud, and the many chocobos within hearing distance of him, turned and glared at him as one._

_"WARK WARK-WARK WARK!!!"_

_Cloud blinked, having understood the purple chocobo._

_"I didn't insult your mother!"_

_"WARK!"_

_"Nuh uh."_

_"Seph, is it me, or is Cloud talking to the chocobo army?"_

_"He's talking to them. And they don't look happy." The General said._

_Zack was silent for a full five seconds before he asked: _

_"Did you bring the popcorn?"_

_Sephiroth and held up a pack of ShinRa's finest whiskey, and a bottle of Coca-Cola._

_"I got everything else as well." "Cool! Now, let's watch Cloud."_

_So the two Generals grabbed their foldable lawn chairs and set themselves a merry little campfire._

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_Back with Cloud..._

_"WARK WARK!!"_

_"I swear to Gaia you goddamn roasted turkey I did __**not**__ insult your mother...or any other family member of yours!"_

_The purple chocobo glared death at Cloud and promptly headbutted him, sending him to the ground._

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_With Seph and Zack..._

_"Damn! Did you see that! That had to be a knockout!" Zack exclaimed over a mouthful of Moogle brand popcorn._

_"I saw it." Sephiroth replied._

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_The chocobos all then started pecking Cloud._

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_"Are we going to help him?" Zack asked._

_"I don't "help" people Zack, I kill them." Sephiroth replied._

_"If your so worried about your little friend, go and help him." _

_"Nah, too comfortable." Zack replied._

_Sephiroth rolled his eyes as he popped some popcorn into his mouth._

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_Cloud eventually fell unconscious from all the pecking._

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_Zack got up, agonizingly slow and approached the still form of Cloud._

_"Wakey wakey!" "Zack, he's unconscious." "...I knew that." The General rolled his eyes, exasperated._

_Cloud moaned quietly and opened his blue eyes._

_Zack's handsome face swam into view, and Cloud groaned loudly._

_"Yo, Spike. Just because you look like a chocobo doesn't mean they want to be friends with you."_

_Cloud only glared in response._


	4. NO Reno Allowed

**Disclaimer: See chapter 1.**

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_Reno hated paperwork._

_Reno hated paperwork about as much as he did cleaning his house._

_But Reno loved fire._

_What he loved doing with the fire was using it to destroy things, among those, paperwork._

_Reno grabbed the offending papers (piled so high it'd give Mount Everest a run for it's money), and then dumped them all into the wastebasket._

_What he didn't know was that there was a half-full can of WD-40 in the bottom, since the paperwork pretty much dwarfed anything in the bin._

_Reno grabbed his lighter, and flipped it open. Automatically, a reddish orange flame appeared. The red-headed Turk stared at it for a minute, transfixed. Then he remembered his noble mission._

_He caught the edge of a middle-to-top piece of paper, and grinned wolfishly when it caught on fire._

_Reno grabbed his jacket and left for home, not knowing that he had left his small pack of explosives inside his desk...and since his desk was right by the trashbin..._

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_The next day, he got ready for work around 11:00 a.m. when he was supposed to be there 7:00 a.m._

_He was in the parking lot about ten minutes later._

_Reno got out of the car to find fire trucks and several EMS crews waiting around a gigantic hole in the ShinRa building. _

_Reno's mouth dropped open. "Holy shit!" he exclaimed._

_**"RENO!!!!!!" **_

_Unknowingly, Reno flinched. He knew that angry voice._

_Rufus Shinra approached him, his blue eyes blazing in fury._

_"I know your responsible for this Reno," Rufus ground out between clenched teeth._

_Reno gulped inadvertantly. He had __**never **__seen Rufus so pissed off before._

_"How do you know I had anything to do with it?" The redhead asked boldly._

_Rufus growled as he reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out an eerily familiar metal lighter._

_"It has your initials on them," he spat. Reno flinched._

_"I...uh...I'm sorry Boss-man...I---"_

_"Save it, Reno." Rufus's voice could been made from a glacier for how cold it was._

_That's when they both spotted Elena walking towards them, a piece of paper in her hands._

_As she got closer, Reno could make out his image on the paper with a circle and then a slash going upper left to lower right through the picture. He could just make out the words: "NO Reno Allowed." in bright red._

_Elena smirked as she handed the piece of paper to the Vice-President._

_Rufus held up the paper, and shoved it Reno's face._

_"You see this? This is going to be on all the things your not allowed to touch."_

_"...Does that mean I can't play with my lighter anymore...?" Reno asked, hoping against hope that he could._

_"No! No lighters, no explosives, no materia! Nothing with fire! EVER!" Rufus shouted the last part, and then stalked away, Elena following him._

_Rude calmly walked toward his partner, and stood by his side as the redhead stared down at the piece of paper._

_"Well, at least I got the paperwork, yo." he muttered. Behind his glasses, Rude rolled his eyes._


	5. Zack's  Thoughts  On  All  Things  Cloud

_Did you know? That those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need someone to protect them?_

Cloud Strife may have not needed to be protected physically, but mentally? Yeah, yeah, he did.

He was not what anybody expected him to be. He was quiet, a bit timid, and pretty much closed off to everyone around him. He would not talk to anyone unless spoken to, or something needed to be said. Cloud would go to the ends of the Earth if it meant he could save anyone that he was close to, or meant something to him. I watched him, and I saw how much he had changed. He now wears a mask that Sephiroth used to wear before I started chipping at it. As a matter of fact, that mask developed shortly after I died. But I bet he's still the same Cloud I knew and loved all that time ago in SOLDIER.

_"Why do I feel so alone and yet Im surrounded by people?"_

I bet that's the very question Cloud asks himself everyday and doesn't get an answer, because he doesn't know and neither do I, frankly. Cloud's a good kid...though he doesn't look like a kid anymore does he? Cloud may be surrounded by his friends and family, but the one he loves is dead...whether that's me or Seph, I can't safely say...

_"Its better to burn out then fade away"_

And that's exactly what 'Ol Chocobo Head was doing. He was fading away into nothingness. At least if you're burned out, you could get back up and try again. Fading away...you don't get that chance anymore...

Heh, look at me. I used to be the wise-cracking, happy-go-lucky 1st Class SOLDIER, and now I'm reduced to watching Cloud wither away in front of me, and I can't do a damn thing about it! I used to be so happy, but after watching Cloud for two years up here in the Lifestream, I feel so dull; hollow.

_"What's the point in smiling if you have no one to smile for?"_

I don't think Cloud's got himself sorted out properly yet, even after the tongue-lashing Tifa gave him before he went after the children in the Forgotten City. He hardly ever smiles anymore even when he's got his family and friends right beside him. I'm there, he just can't see me. He talks to my sword you know. I can see the hope on his face, as if he's expecting me to answer him. I can see the disappointment on his face when he doesn't recieve a response. I DO hear him...but Cloud needs to get over me...Aeris...and Sephiroth. It's hard not answering him...to see his pretty eyes lose their hopeful sparkle when I don't talk back...it tears me up.

_"I'm gonna smile like nothing's wrong, talk like everything's perfect, act like it's just a dream, and pretend lifes not hurting me."_

Cloud used to smile. Cloud used to laugh. Cloud used to FEEL. Now, he does none of that. Oh sure, he may act like everything's alright...but he never could lie to me. I know he's hurting deep inside. I want to help him, but how can a dead man help someone? When Cloud doesn't smile, I don't either. When Cloud doesn't laugh, neither do I. Cloud doesn't show his expressions, but I know he feels something...even though it's not what I want him to feel._  
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_"If you didn't care, then you couldn't get hurt. Not to mention that you could approach each and every situation with a cool and calm head. If you cared, then your emotions inadvertadly got in the way, clouding your judgement, causing the danger to grow exceptionally."_

That's what happened to Cloud when he fought Sephiroth for the third time. At first, he tried not to care, and treated the fight like he had with Kadaj. He acted calm, collected, and fought with the grace he'd attained over the years. But when he saw Sephiroth up-close-and-personal, that flew right out the window. He looked totally shell-shocked. I know a part of him expected it to happen, but I don't quite think he was to know he was going to see Sephiroth so close. I saw those pretty blue eyes widen, all different kinds of emotions playing across them. That was probably the reason why Cloud didn't fight with everything he had...now that I think about it...Sephiroth didn't fight with everything he had either...Sephiroth seemed more amused than anything really.

Not that Cloud's fighting abilities were atrocious, hell, they were probably better than mine! But it just seemed to me that Sephiroth thought that fighting for the Planet a third time must've been funny...or maybe he didn't want to hurt---okay, out with that sentence. He just stabbed Cloud in the shoulder. Well, I guess the shoulder is better than the chest at any rate. Holy shit! I swear my spiritual mouth must've just dropped to Earth and killed somebody. What in the name of hell was that move!? Cloud glowed gold and then went **through** Sephiroth, and it looked as if Seph was completely shell-shocked. Or maybe he recognized the sword move? So many questions, no answers.

When I saw Cloud next, he was in the Lifestream. I'm kind of fuzzy on the details, because I was off dealing with some naughty spirits giving Aeris a hard time. When I got back, my girl was staring down at a floating and apparently unconscious Cloud. I felt my heart stop a moment. No! No! NO! He couldn't be dead! Not yet! He has a life to live! Aerith turned around and gave me a smile, and somehow, I knew everything was going to be alright.

She placed her hand on Cloud's forehead, and he stirred a little bit. "Mother?" he asked quietly. Aerith huffed, but I could tell she wasn't annoyed. "Again? Why is everyone calling me their Mother lately?" I raised an eyebrow at her in question, but she was too busy looking down at the blonde man floating before her. I answered her anyway. "I guess they must be fond of you." Aerith turned toward me and gave me another amazing smile. "This one's a little too big to adopt." Aeris removed her hand, and I placed mine on his forehead next. "Tough luck friend...but looks like your place isn't here just yet." And then he was gone. I watched as his body got smaller, and smaller...when suddenly an idea struck me.

"Aeris?"

"Yes?"

"Can we please go see him one last time?"

She didn't ask why. I think she already knew the reason. She had always been intuitive like that.

We arrived in Aeris's church (now further destroyed by Kadaj, Cloud, Tifa, and Loz), and saw Cloud just now rising from the purifiying water in the center of the church where the pews were once at. They heard a little girl with pigtails say something about Aeris mentioning that Cloud would come back. I smiled down at the flower girl. Yup, she really was intuitive like that. Cheering went up suddenly and I looked up, and saw everyone around the water's edge abruptly jump in. Alright, I know I missed something...

...I think I just saw Cloud smile...

...No...wait...YES! He **was** smiling! I nearly laughed out loud, but held it back.

Suddenly, Cloud looks up and spots us. I saw his smile disappear and frowned slightly. His blue eyes widened and his lips parted slightly.

Aerith smiled softly at him. "You see? Everything's...alright." She turned around and walked away. I waved at him and left my own parting words to him.

"Keep living for us...We'll always be here for you..." I whispered and followed Aeris out of the church and back to the Lifestream.

I know he heard them, and I certainly know he'll abide by them this time around.


	6. The Spider

Disclaimer: I don't own anything--yet. I'm working on it. :D

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Author's Note: Damn, it's been a while! SO SORRY, to keep you all waiting forever like this! I've jumped in and out of fandoms for while...and I lost some of my inspiration, but found a tiny source of it. I found an old notebook of mine (the ones where all these drabbles are stored coincidentally enough), and found a long lost short story of mine that my house ate. I know I said these updates are sporadic, but life has a tendency to screw me over to the point where I forget my stories....which I'm very sorry for. Anyway, enough of my irrevelent tangent. ON WITH THE STORY! BTW, I hope you enjoy it! :D

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**Chapter 6: The Spider**

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Sephiroth stared.

Cloud stared.

Zack stared.

The spider stared right back.

"Uh...can you guys...go and...kill it?" The blonde man asked, inching slowly away from the arachnid.

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow.

Zack continued to stare at the mutated eight-legged creature.

"Your not afraid to fight me, but your afraid of a tiny little spider?" The silver-haired man asked, eyebrow still arched on his forehead.

The spiky blonde felt his face heat up in embarrassment.

"That _**THING**_ isn't _**TINY**_ Seph! It's more like a mini-Bahamut SIN!" Zack exclaimed.

Sephiroth rolled his eyes, and squared his shoulders.

"Let me show you how a real man does a job," the silver-haired man said confidently.

He strode over to the spider, but stopped after taking only one step.

Sephiroth swallowed thickly. He looked back at Zack and Cloud, who gave him encouraging thumbs-up signs. Turning back around, Sephiroth ignored the sweat beading on his forehead.

He sighed. This was ridiculous. If he could command a massive army into battle, he could take on a freaking spider! You would think that....until the spider suddenly scuttled forward.

Sephiroth let out an ear-piercing shriek, and ran back over to the others, and tried to hide behind Cloud.

Zack and the aforementioned blonde shared a look.

"Wow, Seph. Your a REAL man now."

"Shut up Cloud, before I throw you at it as a sacrifice."

Cloud meeped, and then went silent.

The arachnid scuttled forward a little further. They all screamed loudly and took several steps backwards.

And that's when the door opened, which revealed none other than Aeris Gainsborough standing there, hands on her hips.

"What is going on in here? Sephiroth, are you picking on Cloud again?"

She did not receive a response.

Frowning, she started to walk over to the trio.

"No! Aeris, don't come any closer!"

"It'll eat your leg!"

"It wasn't me!"

Aeris blinked at them owlishly. Oblivious to the monstrous spider on the floor, Aeris walked forward--and stepped right on it.

Everything fell silent. The birds stopped singing, the rain stopped coming down from the heavens, no crickets chirped, and even Mother Gaia went silent.

Very slowly, Aerith looked down. Her right foot was stuck in the corpse of a huge spider bigger than her head. She stared down at it, surprisingly calm about it.

"Alright. I'll need help getting my foot free. Any volunteers?"

Nobody answered.

"I said, is there any volunteers?" she growled.

Sephiroth pulled Cloud backwards with him, leaving Zack standing in front, all alone.

"Man, I knew you played favorites...." the violet-eyed man muttered as he walked to his doom.

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I hope you guys liked the new chapter, and if you did please leave a review. If you didn't, please explain why. Don't forget: There is a major difference between constructive criticism to help people out, and flaming others telling them that their stuff sucks. Constructive criticism I can handle....flames not so much. Do unto others as you would do unto you. I hope you guys have a good day! :D


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